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"Okay, all done now! If it hurt, you could have raised your right hand, you know. Mii-kun is such a good boy, isn't he?"
Praising my reaction in a completely off-the-mark way, Maa-chan roughly pats my head. My hair gets messed up, and it feels like my scalp is about to show, so when Toue did that in the past, I swatted her hand away, but now I don't have that luxury or right.
Heat and pain travel from my shins to my thighs, and I can't even tell if my legs are moving. My senses are running wild, the information pathways severed. My bones might be cracked, or they might even be shattered. For now, it seems walking has become difficult.
"Mii-kun always tries to run off somewhere, so Maa-chan has to manage you like this, or it's no, no good!"
Tilting her head neatly to the left, Maa-chan presses the necessity of an insect cage on me with a gentle smile and a "See?" That's right, "see?" it is. I'm supposed to say "see?" Mmhmm, I can't even manage a grunt similar to that in protest.
No, I should think about it the other way around. If she'd used the vase and the hammer in the opposite order, I'd definitely be dead. Which means, aren't I blessed with incredible luck right now? Am I wrong? Oh, I see. But, if you extract just one point from misfortune, perhaps happiness can be found there.
But right now, I don't care about any of that. Or rather, I can't think. My head's working even less than when I'm full. The lines are too congested just trying to transmit pain; there's nothing I can do anymore.
I'll try to pass out, just once, by my own will. I'll hope that in the meantime, this fire that's started in my heart and body is burning.
It probably wasn't even 5 PM outside yet, but I decided to let my spirit put down roots here.
Imagining myself having cut off my annoying legs and head that kept sending out irritating signals, I closed my eyes.
"Oh, Mii-kun? Are you sleepy? Is that so?
Alright, I'll just forget about Maa-chan for now, too.
Well then, good night."
I hadn't intended for this at all, but I was confined again.
And what's more, as Mii-kun. Just like that time.
Again, again, again and again, ta-ta-ta, again and again, again and again, it is. Well, well, what do you know.
Like a TV show resuming after a commercial break, my consciousness reconnected to every joint in my body.
I woke up with my vision clearing and expanding, as if a snot bubble had popped.
"Ngh..." I lightly shook my head from side to side to relieve the stiffness. I'd fallen asleep sitting up with my legs stretched out, so my lower back ached dully. But, the fact that I first noticed the pain in my back must mean the injuries to my head and legs have calmed down quite a bit... Guah, apparently not. The moment I paid them any attention, they immediately reasserted themselves—spirited injuries, unlike the person in charge of this body, who wasn't so vigorous. I'll try to pay them as little mind as possible and gloss over it.
How long had I slept since then? The door was closed and my surroundings were completely dark, so I had no choice but to rely on my internal clock... Hmm, it's probably around 8 PM now. Which means, three or four hours must have passed... Or so I've decided, though of course I have no basis for it. My convictions are always bluffs, without any roots or backing. Therefore, they have the advantage of not crumbling from the foundation even if refuted by sound arguments, but good kids shouldn't imitate this! Though, if you can imitate it, you're not a good kid anymore.
My aunt and uncle come home late at night, so unless they've called, I don't think they've noticed the house is empty yet. I can't even imagine how things, including society at large, will move starting tomorrow.
It would be nice if this all gets resolved without any incident, and no one makes a fuss. This isn't a lie; it's my desire.
"...Nnmu." I sniffled. The moment my attention shifted from my inner self, the chill I'd been ignoring washed over me like a winter wave. It felt like a swarm of bees was clinging to every inch of me. And they weren't stinging, just loitering, wandering over my skin, masters of that physiologically repulsive gesture.
Then, I noticed the strange sensation of an arm wrapped around my waist. Straining my eyes, I saw Maa-chan, not even covered with a blanket, snuggled up against me as if I were her futon, asleep.
...... [ 18 + 0 ]
The girl who confined me is playing the part of a defenseless sleeping beauty right here beside me.
Somehow, that was funny. Because she's doing all this to me without a shred of malice. "Mii-kun," in a way, strongly fulfills the conditions for happiness.
The first condition for happiness:
To be expected, sought after, or needed by someone other than yourself.
The second one is omitted. That one's too obvious, so it's not flavorful enough to chew over.
What should I think about here, until I either fall asleep again or freeze to death this time?
"To prevent happiness from escaping, its legs should be cut off..."
Recalling those words from someone, I first envisioned them on the dark ceiling.
I think it was Kitano-san... no, Minami-san. How confusing.
And so, it continues to the exchange on the morning (or so I presume, it's unclear) of December 24th. Unlike me, Maa-chan acted as if she didn't feel the cold at all, and her knee bends were in perfect form. She stood up with a 'sucha!' like a toy with a half-broken spring. "Well then, I shall go make breakfast!" "Yeah, see you later." "Kyaan! Maa-chan is like a newlywed with Mii-kun!"
Maa-chan opened the door with utter ease and nonchalantly went outside. Well, of course, she's the culprit behind this confinement.
Compared to the confinement long ago, Maa-chan is brighter, and I am cold. A faint light from an electric lamp trickled in from beyond the open door, illuminating the tips of my toes. I tried to stare blankly at them, wondering if they'd just become that, or if I could hug them and melt away, but even the faint light dazzled my eyes, and tears welled up. My eyelashes stuck around my eyes, causing pain, but I couldn't rub them with my fingers, so I could only rock my body and wait for it to pass.
Even after my eyes had adjusted considerably and I opened them, the only health-related information dwelling where the light shone was that the nail on my big toe had poor circulation. This lump of my flesh and water, unlike "my heart" that operates (or rather, parasitizes) within it, doesn't seem to be alien. Even if you lose your license, you can't stop being human, I realized, completely missing the point.
"...Haaah." My breath, inconspicuous in complete darkness, gained the distinction of light and shadow and, getting carried away, took on color. I continued to meaninglessly exhale legions of carbon dioxide that had no intention whatsoever of venturing out to solve the troubles of their homeland.
This current situation, is it like day two of Misono Mayu's "Mii-kun Rearing" project? Since the environment suddenly changed, I'm stressed too, but eventually, I'll stop minding it. First, let's try giving him some eucalyptus leaves... I'd hate it if a "Mii-kun Rearing Manual" like that was being constructed inside Maa-chan. If that's the case, it means what she wants isn't the Mii-kun of the past, but rather, her own ideal Mii-kun.
Besides, Mii-kun's favorite things aren't necessarily my favorite things. I generally like sweet things, but if Mii-kun... Sugawara... liked spicy food, for example, a sudden mutation due to the change in feed might occur, and I could turn into some entity that spreads a mysterious virus. That's a lie, though, disguised as wishful thinking.
But now that she's confined me, what does she plan to do with me to pass the time? Naps in the afternoon, sleeping together at night, sleeping in again in the morning. If such a time of peace, decadence, and savings came with three meals and snacks, I wouldn't have any particular objections... Oh yeah, what about the toilet? I carved the items I need to discuss with Maa-chan later into my brain like a mural, using it as a notepad.
For now, as for future developments, she crushed my legs and head to immobilize me, so if I optimistically assume she won't inflict any other harm, it should be gentle on my stomach, I concluded. ...But, the sharp, constricting feeling in my stomach and intestines isn't fading...
Just when I wondered what it was, it seemed my stomach was irritated because it was empty and had no work to do. Grandpa, you ate lunch yesterday, didn't you? Oh, but I left about half of the bread from that school lunch, so I see, I'm hungry.
The teacher's lesson about not leaving school lunch unfinished really shows its true value at times like these.
It should be a lie, though.
As I closed my eyes and rested the back of my head against the wall, the faint sound of construction work somewhere vibrated my eardrums.
The fact that people are working means it's at least daytime now. I wonder, with a sense of unreality, what would happen if my aunt or uncle reported this.
While I was listening intently to the regular changes outside, a cheerful Maa-chan returned. If Maa-chan's classmates saw this smile, they'd probably react like a simplified version of the Five Hundred Arhats.
"Heeere we are! Breakfast is sandwiches! Mii-kun's favorite, egg sandwiches and..."
On the surface, she's very lovely, so some people might even want to be her friend.
-" On the surface?
Somehow, an unconvincing sense of incongruity clings to her.
Maa-chan has obtained the Mii-kun she lost (tentatively, the fake one), and she's bright, gentle, and rejoicing with her whole body, but... "...And yet." Have my eyeballs malfunctioned? There's one thing I should be feeling that's missing. It's so obvious, so why is that?
"I made tomato sandwiches too... Are you listening? A-re yo-u li-sten-ing?"
My earlobe was pulled with the casual feeling of someone plucking it off, and my thoughts burst. Without leaving even a splash, that soap bubble of a question vanished. I wasn't confident I could recreate it, so I gave up easily.
Setting that aside, I need to protect my earlobe. Just because it hasn't been very active doesn't mean I should neglect it. In the future, I'll get tons of piercings and become a "reasonable" young person... Hmm, does that even make sense? My English is hopeless.
"I was checking every word and phrase, and Maa-chan's heartbeat too, for good measure."
"They're both throbbing like crazy," I was about to continue, but cut myself off. That would make the lie meaningless. "Well then, tell me what's in the sandwiches!" Maa-chan hid the sandwiches behind her back and pouted her lips. It seems her distrust hasn't been completely wiped away. But I did succeed in liberating my earlobe.
Blood rushed with a 'whoosh,' and my ear became hot. Now that it's ripe and ready to eat, I'm worried Maa-chan might start munching on it. That's not particularly true, though.
"Egg sandwich." "Mmhmm." "Tomato sandwich." "What's in the middle?" "........." Something between egg and tomato... I ended up imagining something like a God Warrior. That's probably not edible, so I'll just simply combine the names... Tamato sandwich? Tama and Sando... Aha! "To put it bluntly, a cat sandwich!"
"Listen when people are talking to you!"
She slapped my upper arm, 'pachi, pachi.' Seems I was wrong. "If only she'd at least make it a multiple-choice question," I muttered my usual small complaint. I feel like I'll be making excuses like this in the future too.
"It seems Mii-kun will need some 'edumacational gwidance' later!"
She tried using a difficult word while pouting, so it seems her tongue got twisted midway. Speaking of education, putting me aside, Maa-chan shows no sign of intending to go to school.
She did say she'd be with Mii-kun foreeever, so are we going to become an old grandpa and grandma holed up in here? Hooeeh.
The angry air around Maa-chan deflated a little, and she took a sandwich, bringing it to my mouth.
"Mii-kun, say 'aah'." And there, as if she'd been waiting for this moment, Maa-chan's broad, self-satisfied grin leaped out.
"........." Is that my only option? "Aah."
"Aaaah." "Yes, very good!" "Mmf."
There wasn't even room for air without biting, so I bit off about half the bread and then chewed, 'mogu mogu.' I dared to imagine in a detached way if there was something weird mixed in, but the fillings seemed to be surprisingly normal, so I swallowed it down along with my slackened tension.
"Is it yummy?" She smiled, showing her pretty white teeth, and asked for my thoughts. Incidentally, this was more of a confirmation, as in, "It's yummy, right?" and didn't actually function as a question at all.
"Yeah, it's delicious. You're a good cook." It's not particularly a lie. By my standards—someone who probably can't even make a sandwich well—Maa-chan is a culinary master. ...Ah, an eggshell adds a 'gari-tto' crunchy fragrance.
"Fufufu, Maa-chan's amazing value is priceless!"
'Ehem!' Maa-chan puffed out her chest while crushing the rest of the sandwich in her hand. Sorry to interrupt your proud moment, but that's English, yet it might be recognized as not being an Earth language.
Perhaps noticing the unpleasant sensation in her hand, Maa-chan stared at the remains of bread and egg.
"Oh, it's all smooshed... Never mind!" Maa-chan ate the squashed half of the egg sandwich. Then she brought the next sandwich to my lips again. I won't question this relationship of a baby bird and its parent, but looking directly at the cross-section of the filling, I recoiled a little.
"This, what's inside?" I can see little red specks. It's closer to orange than the vivid red of a tomato.
"Spicy cod roe butter sandwich. I remember that Mii-kun likes spicy food, you know!"
"......Well, aren't you thoughtful." It's obviously a lie.
The previous Mii-kun was a truly inconsiderate man; it seems he really left a mess behind.
"Come on, come on, say 'aah'!" She tried to pinch my lips and pry them open. At this rate, my upper lip was going to bleed and stain the bread red, so, 'chomp.' Uboah! Mostly forced, 'munch munch.' Clang, clang, clang (the sound of a fire alarm bell). Gulp. (The feeling of a microorganism living in magma).
"Well? It's delicious, right?" "Ff... ff... ff..." My temples felt incredibly heavy and oppressed. It was hard to move my jaw. Even the pain in my head recurred, and my vision shook up and down. For a moment, it seemed I could forget the cold, but it also felt like other memories would be burned away along with it. It's like burning your clothes in a snowy mountain because you're cold.
"Here, one more bite." 'Zui!' The terror approached from straight ahead. What should I do? Should I try to struggle? "No, hey, Maa-chan, you eat some too." My face, that is. No, if that would remove this unpleasant heat and mood, I'd gladly offer it up, though.
"Nuh-uh, I'm fine!"
Maa-chan's cheerful denial. Aargh, such an unreasonable good girl (currently delirious from the spiciness).
Maa-chan placed the half-eaten sandwich on the floor for a moment (the dusty floor, mind you), and laughed, "Ehehe," as if composing herself. As I tilted my head like "?", she told me the reason for her smile.
"You know, it makes me sooo happy when Mii-kun eats the food I made, saying 'yummy, yummy.' Until now, I only imagined things like that, but now, I've realized it really does make me sooo happy."
'Niheeeh,' she beamed, a bit awkwardly, but showering me with a continuous fireworks display of happiness.
This is bad. I'm somehow starting to feel like, 'I guess I have to eat this.' Maa-chan, you're formidable. ...But even so, I still couldn't feel what was in this atmosphere.
To deceive the feeling that was trying to emerge from within, I thrust my face forward and stuffed the sandwich into my cheek. "Oh, a bread-eating contest?" Maa-chan teased my proactive self, looking amused. My mouth, however, was in no state for such things, so I chewed and swallowed single-mindedly, then cooled my tongue with air.
After that, I polished off two egg sandwiches and three spicy cod roe sandwiches, signaling my stomach's limit.
"Thanks for the meal. I'm full now." My mouth was burning, and I could barely produce any saliva.
"Eeeh, what about the tomato one?" Maa-chan protested, swinging the tomato sandwich around. "Maa-chan, you have to eat too."
"Like I'd eat this crap!" I learned an amazing way of refusal from the maker herself.
......Err, in this kind of situation, what should I say to get Maa-chan to eat too? Hmm, let's see...
"I'd be happier if we were both full together."
To my nonsense, she grunted "Uuh," pouted "Buuh," and then "Jigi!" What on earth is going on?
Turning her nose up with a 'tsun,' maintaining her displeased face, Maa-chan listlessly chewed on the tomato sandwich, 'gaji gaji.' It seems she really enjoys making me eat, 'piichiku paachiku.'
......Alright, to make this even a little enjoyable, I'll try some witty talk.
My tongue is still numb, but I'll try to form some sentences somehow.
"By the way, Maa-chan, why did you come to that hospital yesterday?"
Even though Sensei said you snuck out on your first day of hospitalization and haven't come back once since then. Maa-chan paused her hand bringing the sandwich to her mouth, and puffed out her cheeks, 'mugu.' Then she suddenly stopped swallowing, choked a little, and hit my back, saying, "Mii-kun, you idiot!"
"You made me remember something unpleasant! Mean Mii-kun!"
"Nn, ah, sorry." Even with resentful eyes, her feelings for "Mii-kun" were there, maintaining a softness. A competence vastly different from my tactless talk.
"You know, I absolutely, positively didn't want to go to a place with such a liar!"
She thrashed her arms and legs against the floor, clearly expressing her displeasure.
"They said if I didn't go, those guys would interfere with Maa-chan finally becoming the... ikko-kyui-chijoo? thingy of this place! It's so annoying!"
This time, she overflowed with blatant disgust and anger. I'm sure the carbon dioxide coming out of her mouth right now is as sharp as a delinquent youth. Tossing such daydreams aside, by "those guys," does she mean her grandparents? Her parents, well, they're dead. Whether they were murdered or whatever doesn't really matter.
"But thanks to that, I got to meet Mii-kun and live with him, so all's well that ends well! Maa-chan is forward-looking! Dobonkosho!" Raising her hand in victory, Maa-chan jumped up and down while still sitting. With that up-and-down motion, the tomato sandwich shot out from her hand, danced in mid-air, and then crash-landed on the floor with a 'bechari.' As expected, it couldn't overcome the wall of gravity. But since the evolution of human technology is apparently for overcoming gravity, I'm sure tomatoes will also be able to ignore gravitational pull eventually, I consoled the bright red, squashed tomato. Only my eyes were serious.
"Ah, right, right. There was one thing I had to tell you."
Shifting one step from joy, anger peeked its face out. She grabbed both my ears and pulled, "Adadada!"
"Mii-kun, you went to see that liar too, didn't you? No good! Meeting a stupid liar like that will turn you into a delinquent!"
"...You think so?" "I do!" Gyaaaah, they're going to rip from the roots! "Maybe so." "It IS so!" Gieeeeh, so it's a system where the same result awaits whether I say yes or no.
Well, even if so, it's too late. As for me, I've long been a defective product.
[ ..... ・ 」
For me, Koibi-sensei is an admirable adult, though.
For Maa-chan, Sakashita-sensei is a liar, isn't she? The only one who tells Maa-chan the truth anymore is that person. The person who tries to teach Maa-chan how to face reality.
I can't guarantee what will become of that way of thinking in the future, but for now, she still hasn't given up.
Sensei said it, just once.
"If there's a book that could grant me a way to cure Misono Mayu perfectly, without her getting hurt at all, I'd buy it for three million yen."
"Because otherwise, I don't think I can keep doing this job for much longer," she'd said.
I guess Sensei is the one thinking about Maa-chan the most seriously right now, after all.
Cleaning up together after meals only happens in elementary school. At Maa-chan's place, lazing around awaits.
Before that, though, I did get my face washed. It was a rough face-washing method where she poured water fetched in a cup onto my face, and then Maa-chan kneaded my skin with her hands.
And after that, brushing teeth. ...With my head resting on Maa-chan's thigh, that's what's being done to me. My mouth is being fiddled with in a dentist-like composition.
Brushing teeth in the pitch-black darkness with the door closed is subtly nerve-wracking. Because for Maa-chan, who's doing someone else's mouth, it might be "scrub scrub," but in reality, the tip of the toothbrush has been "thump thumping" the back of my mouth repeatedly just now. Besides it being too dark to see anything, Maa-chan might also lack depth perception.
"If it hurts, please raise your right hand, okay?" I can't bloody raise it!
Maa-chan, in a good mood imitating a dentist, is very... or so she should be. But I was holding onto a somewhat cold discomfort, unable to fully adapt to this space. Even though I thought I was pretty adaptable.
Because someone told me that's why, out of the three children, only I survived. I think it was my younger sister's mother.
In the end, I became the one who survived in the family, though.
"Myaa-hyan." The toothbrush passed over my molars, and I couldn't even move my tongue properly.
"Hmm?" She stroked my hair upwards from close by, as if treating a child.
"Gya, gyacko... Hyotto hya burashi nuite." (Could you take the toothbrush out for a sec?) Or rather, I want to go to the toilet.
"Wait a sec, just after I brush this tooth. Heave-ho, heave-ho!" Hey, that's too deep, my gums hurt, the taste of iron just burst onto my tongue!
I see, so this is adversity, or rather, "edumacational gwidance."
My legs barely move either, so substituting my right foot for my right hand was also impossible, leaving me no choice but to endure with a "Fuga-fugya." The toothbrush coming out of my mouth next will probably be stained red.
"What a lonely fellow," I thought, disparaging what flowed out of my own body. Does this count as self-harm? If asked whether a cut heart or fallen hair is oneself, my tiny brain has no way to answer.
After my gums were scraped to Maa-chan's satisfaction, the toothbrush was pulled out, catching on my front teeth. My mouth was filled with a mixture of saliva and blood, a lukewarm liquid that looked unpleasant to swallow.
"So, what is it? Are you thirsty?" No, I don't need water right now. I'm moistened by my own blood.
"School, is it okay not to go?"
"Hmm? If Mii-kun isn't going, there's no point in me going, is there?" She dismissed it with a snort.
If I were to be uncouth and correct her Japanese, it's not "don't go" but "can't go," right? Though the essence is the same.
"I only went to school to look for Mii-kun. If Mii-kun is here, there's ab-so-lute-ly no need to go anywhere else. And Mii-kun doesn't have to go anywhere else either."
In this girl's brain, does the equaaation Maa-chan = Mii-kun hold true? If Maa-chan says crows are white, will they start looking white to Mii-kun's eyes too, and if she says my sister is alive, do I have no choice but to think she's alive?
"...Snow?"
"Oh, but hey, if it snows, let's go outside once, okay?"
"Geez, did you forget?" My forehead was whacked, 'bashi bashi.' "We promised to build a snowman, remember!"
"Geez, did you forget?" My forehead was whacked, 'bashi bashi.'
"...Ah." I don't know. "Oh, right." Isn't she considering that I might run away then?
No way, is she expecting me to build a snowman with my hands tied behind my back, like some kind of record attempt or artisan skill?
"We'll make a snowman bigger than Mii-kun, and Maa-chan will ride on that snowman and surpass Mii-kun's height!"
As Maa-chan, still sitting, did a hop, step, jump towards her dream, my body from the neck up also lurched, 'gakun gakun.' An impact that felt like my neck bent inwards and my bones were turning to rustling sand assaulted me.
"Mii-kun, Mii-kyun, Mikuun, Mikyuruu. Mikkyuun."
She hummed an impromptu mystery song (I guess?), praising the Mii-kun who was both here and not here.
...Mii-kun, Mii-kun, Mii-kun, and so on.
To put it super mildly,
Mii-kun, Mii-kun, shut the hell up, you bastard.
If the real Mii-kun were by Maa-chan's side, that would settle it.
But because the real one is such a hopeless forgetful person,
I end up thinking there might be a possibility.
When will I be able to give up? I felt like telling Amano-kun to hurry up.
"Maa-chan."
"Mii-kun!" Her cheerfulness gets full marks, but what kind of reply is that? Is "Mii-kun" a substitute for "What?", "Hello," and "What's wrong?" I wonder.