---

---

And so, I carve a large hole in his face. From it, I scoop up the overflowing blood with my fingers and smear it all over my own. My blood and the man's blood mix, and the reek is so foul I feel like I'm rotting away. My stomach trembles, and I throw up a little.
The blood of the man I hate. The very stuff of life, overflowing.
He's dying, he's dying. He's approaching death, on the brink. And I, feeling this, am alive, fulfilled. Ah, to think something so brilliant exists.
I know that right now, in this hopeless reality, I've achieved the greatest possible outcome I could have wished for.
"Kekyakkyakya, kekekke, kyaaaaaaaaah kyakya!"
In the dark night where the outlines of town, people, and nature are lost, I unleash myself.
I could feel the madness, the emotions that had driven me, necrotizing from the edges.
My tears, like raindrops, don't stop, melting into the blood.
Seventeen years have passed since that detestable beginning.
The year 2044. As if being born, I am stained with the kidnapper's blood.
The roar that followed was not the cry of a newborn, but a death agony.

It was like I was seeing short dreams over and over.
How much time had passed since I lost sight of my sister? I could no longer remember the past; my vision and memories were fragmented, like overlapping scraps of photographs. I couldn't even tell if my consciousness was in a dream or reality. The breakdown was intensifying.
Perhaps, in a little while, I would forget this world.
It was always like this. I only realize the state I'm in when it's about to end.
I understand it many times, and discard it just as many times.
Like repainting the walls of an apartment building.
That kind of stagnation continues endlessly.
Someone once said that repeating the same thing and expecting a different result is madness, and I think that's absolutely true. But nothing is ever truly the same. Even if you walk the same path, the air isn't the same, the days change, the grass grows, and the stars travel to different far-off places. Something around me is definitely moving. So, maybe something is different now. Maybe something will change. Believing that, I move forward. I've walked on, convincing myself I was moving forward. Has that "something" changed, I wonder?
So, I forget.
The meaning of my life—was I, or perhaps someone else, able to grasp it?
Assuming the process has no meaning, then did I reach a result? That, too, I don't know.
I even forget what I've lost. I pretend not to notice that the kind of future I desire no longer remains.
There are only one or two things I absolutely must remember.
[...Focusing on what I must remember, my hand clenches tightly, hardening.]
I am the older sister. I have a slightly foolish younger sister. She's a handful, but I mustn't abandon her.
A foolish younger sister, a clever me.
......Yes, yes.
Because she is the one thing that faces me, that defines me.
Even if I can't see her, even if one of us dies, no matter what happens, the fact that we both definitely existed cannot be changed. It can't be forgotten, and I must always remember it.
The fragments of scenery that had been floating are being removed one by one. My own world is being reconstructed. This time, the confusion is severe, and it might take many times longer than usual. It seems I got too close to the bottom of my memories. Spending so much time on such things, I'll be left even further behind by everyone around me. The fact that I'm mad in a way that I can't even notice this might be a blessing in disguise.

I owed my younger sister countless debts of gratitude. So many they'd overflow my palms, more than I could ever drink down. I'd like to remember them if I could, but it's probably impossible. If I were to acknowledge even one, the past would surge in like a flood. Then I'd immediately discard that world and run away again.
I'm invincible, I think.
Because no one but my sister pays me any mind, I'm invincible.
Lying on someone's lap, as if forgetting to breathe.
The year 2033. On this spinning sphere, I still haven't reunited with my sister.

"From there, you see, it all began."
The weird old man takes a step closer to Nee-sama. A large shadow envelops Nee-sama.
The moment I saw Nee-sama's feet retreat backward, I gripped my recorder tightly and jumped out.
There's distance, he'll notice me, I know. But still, I can't help but move.
The weird old man, who immediately sensed my footsteps, wasn't particularly fazed and just looked at me curiously.
"Yah!"
I swing the recorder in a flash. It slashes at the weird old man's knee. I wasn't sure how effective it would be, but the old man lifted his hit leg and hopped.
"Ow!"
"Get away from Nee-sama, yah!"
I swing the recorder around again and again. Nee-sama, as if jolting awake, lifts her head and together we beat down the old man's darkness. With my recorder and Nee-sama's kicks, we torment the old man's legs until he falls on his butt. Our attacks always circle around, focusing on his right side.
Because this weird old man doesn't use his right hand at all.
"Ow, ow, hey, hahaha, hey, hey!"
*Thump, thump, thud.*
*Thump, thump, thud, thud.*
......Page 182.
"Yah!"
A long leg had sprouted from between us.
"Die, pervert!"
"Twaah!"
Just as I thought, that was one kick too many. Her kiai was carefree, but her kick showed no restraint at all. The merciless sole of her foot gouged into the old man's vital spot like a stab. Nee-sama and I were overwhelmed, only managing to smack him with the recorder and our palms in the meantime. The old man groaned, *goefu goefu*.
"Hey, wait a—"
"Uoooh!"
"I said wait—"
He gets kicked away.
"Kuh-argh!"
"Hey!"
"Don't mess with me!"
She stomps on his right hand, *doge doge*.
"You're the one messing around!"
The old man finally stood up. He squashes the cheeks of the woman in the yukata, who had appeared out of nowhere, with his fingers. Her cod-roe lips say something like "Umyooh." For some reason, the woman is wearing a yukata, and she stands out from the scenery.
"I couldn't quite ignore that, as expected."
"Yoo shood hab ignod dat."
It seemed she was saying, "You should overlook that." And so, while the weird old man was distracted by her funny face, the knee of the woman in the kimono sank into his stomach. The weird old man couldn't bear it and fell on his butt again.
"Oooh, strong!"
The pure white legs extending from the yukata moved jauntily, as if triumphant.
"Good grief..."
"Here."
Sitting down, the weird old man sighs. His eyes as he looks at us are perfectly calm.
"Fufufu, allow me to lend you a hand."
"You're the one who kicked me away, though."
Though exasperated, the weird old man takes the hand of the woman in the kimono and gets up. Meanwhile, unable to grasp the situation, we just stared up blankly. But Nee-sama casually moved me behind her. That was so like Nee-sama, overflowing with her essence.

"Where did you even come from in the first place...?"
"If there's a chance to legally kick someone, I'll be there in an instant."
"Law? Legally? What's that?"
"Something you often ignore."
The weird old man rubs his reddened chin and scratches his head, looking embarrassed, "Iyahaha."
"I just wanted to get along a little, but I ended up being seen as a suspicious old man."
"Yes. You were plenty suspicious."
"In what way?"
"Your soul."
"Such a fundamental part, huh. Well, then there's nothing I can do."
"Joking aside, you're completely a suspicious person. Wasn't there a better way to go about it?"
The old man, who had been joking lightly, falters. He mumbles, his excuses lacking force.
"No, well... I just can't ever get used to dealing with children."
"It's not a matter of that level."
"A long time ago, I felt like things went well like this, though."
"Times change," the old man grumbled, looking at the roads and houses.
I remember Kaasama saying that the road to elementary school used to be all fields not too long ago... Anyway, putting that aside, I wonder if it's okay to join the conversation soon, I think, stretching.
"Hey, hey, lady!"
"Lady? Hmm?"
"Big sisteeer!"
"Yeees?"
"Mmph."
"Hey!"
The woman in the kimono looks around restlessly. Then she understands.
She looked this way with a lovely smile. *Kyaa!* I get hugged and spun around and around.
"Hey, don't kidnap my sister."
Nee-sama protests, pulling on the yukata sleeve. The woman in the kimono laughs and puts me down.
"I wouldn't kidnap a brat like this!" For some reason, even the weird old man got angry at that. Seeing that, the woman in the kimono narrows her eyes gleefully and covers her mouth with her sleeve. The weird old man, as if embarrassed by her gaze, scratches his head, and a peculiar atmosphere fills the air.
I look around restlessly.
Hmm, I don't get it at all.
But I didn't sense any malice from the weird old man or the woman in the kimono.
"Maybe... you're not a bad old man?"
"That's my intention. Sorry if I caused a misunderstanding."
The weird old man apologizes. If he's apologizing even after being thoroughly beaten, then he's probably okay.
If he's not a bad person, then I don't need to be particularly wary.
In other words, problem solved.
"I don't really get it, but anyway, it's all good!"
The year 2055.
"Phew."
And so the incident was resolved before it could even begin.

I wipe my forehead as if I've just finished a big job. Nee-sama was looking at me coolly, as if wanting to say, "What was that?"
Two hands rested on my and Nee-sama's heads. Recognizing the voice, I look up.
"Oh my, it's Kaasama."
"Ah, you're right."
Sometime before we knew it, Kaasama was behind us. "Yo-ssu!" she laughs cheerfully, as always.
Why is Kaasama on the school route at this time of day?
"Kaasama, there's no class observation day today."
"I know-ssu."
"Whyyy?"
"Dinner preparations are... *slurp*."
"It's okay not to prepare it today-ssu."
Fufufu, Kaasama evades suggestively. Then, she gives a wry smile to the old man.
"It's so awful I could cry-ssu."
"No, but look, I gave them sweets, sweets!"
Kaasama made a "Uwaah" face.
"That's the kind of kidnapper you only find in stories-ssu!"
The old man started, his eyes widening. He must have been really shocked, as he covered his face. His shoulders trembled slightly, and just when I thought he was crying, his voice gradually got louder.
"Ha, ha, hahahahahahaha... ahh."
It seems he was roaring with laughter. When he removed his hands, his face was blank, as if in a state of collapse.
Every time he blinked, I felt like I could hear a *pochi pochi* sound.
"Was that a slip of the tongue-ssu, I wonder?"
"No, well... don't worry about it, ssu."
Mmph, Kaasama pouts her lips.
"Oh-ho, you got a problem with the way I talk-ssu?"
"No, it's just, that way of speaking is..."
"What is it, what is it-ssu? I won't hear any harsh things like 'it's not age-appropriate'-ssu."
"It's not that. ...Heh, heh."
As if unable to hold something back, the old man's expression breaks again. Maybe he's not used to laughing; it looked almost the same as a crying face. A little eerie. As Nee-sama and I recoiled, Kaasama moved as if she sensed it.
"Ahem, a-hem. This is... Great-grandpa."
"Hii-jii?"
I pinch my elbow.
That's how Kaasama introduces the weird old man.
"He's your grandparents' father."
Nee-sama explains it to me. My little joke was beautifully crushed by Nee-sama.
"This person is...?"
"Really?"
"Ah, unh."
Nee-sama gauges Kaasama's reaction.
"It's true-ssu."
Kaasama guarantees it.
"If Mother says so... he's young for a great-grandfather, isn't he?"
Nee-sama said what I was thinking too. Tousama's grandpa and grandma look quite young, but he should be even older than them. Those grandpas are both kind people, and to be specific about their kindness, they give us sweets. Yay.
Hii-jii-chan looks at Kaasama, saying "Well," looking troubled. Kaasama also smiles vaguely.
"There are various circumstances-ssu."
"Hmm."
It seems it's either something she doesn't want to talk about, or it's a long story. I don't like either, so I decided to just accept it. Now then, next up, I turn towards the fluttering purple.
"What about this big sisteeer here?"
Great-grandma? Asked this, Kaasama cocks her head, looking troubled.
"Err, someone I don't really know."
"An accurate assessment."
"I'm Nagase Mayu."
The woman in the kimono was, for some reason, quite pleased. She might be a little similar to Nee-sama.
"Come on, go say hello to Great-grandpa."
Kaasama places her hands on my and Nee-sama's backs, urging us. Nee-sama and I looked at each other.
It seems he wasn't a suspicious weird old man loitering at the convenience store. If it was Grandpa who gave us sweets, that's understandable, so it's not suspicious. What remains is "weird old man loitering at the convenience store." If Kaasama trusts him, then he's not weird, so "old man loitering at the convenience store" remains. Splendidly, he's become a normal old man.
Faced with a friendly, normal Hii-jii-chan, we have no choice but to greet him.
"Second grade elementary," I say, making a peace sign. "Niiice," the woman in the kimono replies. She's got good vibes.
I might like her.
".........Nagase Ai. Fourth grade elementary."
After a short pause, Nee-sama also stated her name. And Hii-jii-chan, hearing it, closed his eyes.
I wonder why?
The woman in the kimono, who had been watching, asks with a faint smile.
"Your name... do you still hate it now?"
Hii-jii-chan, thus asked, opens his mouth as if to answer immediately. But then, as if reconsidering something, he took a deep breath. He closes his eyes, relaxes his shoulders. Trembling...
"...I love it," he murmurs.
It felt that way.
Embodying so many things that have been born up to now.
As if pouring all his emotions into it.
Hii-jii-chan said.
Hii-jii-chan smiles as if he's crying.
"Because it's a precious name."
".........I see."
Fufufu, Hii-jii-chan and the woman in the kimono curved the corners of their mouths in satisfaction.
"I've always wanted to try this, you know."
Something seems to gather in his eyelashes and on his tongue... *Mmhmm,* Hii-jii-chan nods, then urges everyone, "It seems it's finally time for departure."
"Where to?"
Either I or Nee-sama asked.
Hii-jii-chan answers, looking straight into the distance.
"To your grandmother's place."

I feel like I'm continuously watching a long dream.
Ever since Nee-sama lost sight of me, I've been running frantically. The feeling of that man's blood smeared on my cheeks—I still haven't forgotten it. In the first place, have I ever forgotten anything? I carry everything, unable to discard it, and still run around. It's not bad, but I was a little tired.
My soul, its score settled, has lost its vibrancy and has been sleeping quietly for these past ten-odd years. I realize that what I considered a meaningful life within myself has already been fully digested. The frenzy has sunk to the bottom of my heart's ocean, as if lying in wait, and it will probably never be dredged up again.
However, even without meaning, life still goes on. I must live out the rest of my days with the inertia that remains beyond the outcome. Indeed, becoming like one of the specks of dust piling up on a star.
Well, but still.
If it had meaning even for an instant, then perhaps it was a worthwhile life.
Because apparently, that's not usually the case.
The phone rings.
• A call came from Tousama, so I get off my chair. To Kaasama, and to Nee-sama who couldn't possibly hear me, I announce, "I'm going to pick everyone up."
Decades since the incident caused by that worthless pervert bastard.
Many things happened, and there were many people.
Like welts, they left marks on us, and together we've journeyed through the eras.
But that too is settling down a little.
The story was finally taking a breath, about to sit down and rest.

Waking my body with the feeling of having been shipwrecked, I found myself in the same room as before.
It's my old room. Looking around, there's no one but me. ...It seemed to be reality, apparently. My back was chilled, but when I touched my cheek where it had been pressed down, there was warmth. I feel that warmth wasn't generated by me, but came from outside.
"...No way."
Though there's a lot of static in my memory, I remembered having had my head on someone's lap.
Indoors, the temperature and sunlight had both weakened, and a faint dusk was visible beyond the curtains. I stand up and go to the window. Until a moment ago, I felt like I had been peering into many windows. Is this one of them?
I pull back the curtain and look outside. The panoramic view from the apartment showed a town, its buildings a little short, enveloped in the waves of the sunset. It was what I always used to see after coming home from school.
Back then, I was tired of seeing it, but now it looked a little fresh.
I felt a chill, but I didn't feel like moving right away.
When I cover my mouth, I hear the ticking of the clock's hands and turn around. The wall clock in the room was still there, ticking away time without issue. In a room no one ever sees, what on earth has it been doing to reach this present moment? I let my thoughts drift to the regularly moving second hand. The clock's design was an Aster. I looked it up in an illustrated book, so there's no mistake.
In this hazy state, standing by the window, my "today" doesn't feel connected like this clock.
Before and after are unclear. The last person I met was Yuna-san... my sister? My sister was a dream... she should have been. How does that connect to me being at my parents' house? I should have met people in the morning, but it's already evening. How long was I asleep? Is that why my head and eyes feel so hazy?
This is what "dream and reality" means; I can't tell them apart.
It's just that, when I woke up, I had this fretfulness, a feeling like I'd lost something. I stood by the window for a while, but realizing nothing would happen, I left the room. There was a part of me trying to find what I'd lost. But since I didn't know what I'd lost, my eyes just couldn't settle.
Passing through the living room, I notice a figure and head to the kitchen.
Mother was standing in the kitchen. It's rare for her not to be asleep. She turned and looked at me.
Her small mouth moves coolly.
She seemed to have said, "Welcome home."
"I'm home..."
A beat later, I awkwardly return the greeting. It felt strange to just leave, so I sit in a nearby chair. Mother was doing some work. It was still too early for dinner.
"What are you making?"
When I ask, Mother answers flatly.
She was asked to make a snack.
Mother said that and offered me a plate with milk agar kanten. "By whom?" and "That's unusual, isn't it?"—several questions welled up. The spoon placed with it was a cute character one I'd liked as a child. A laid-back bear character, the silver spoon had gained a few more scratches.
Wondering if this too was a dream, I try a bite. True to kanten, it quivered when pressed with a spoon. I let that quivering jelly slide into my mouth. ......Sweet. It was many times sweeter than I had imagined. So sweet my gums almost trembled. But perhaps helped by how smoothly it went down, I take another bite, and then another. Maybe my throat was dry; there was a pleasant sensation each time the cold food passed down.
A plate is also placed next to me. My vision is half obscured, as if it hit a wall.
Is my sister here too, I wonder?
But as expected, I couldn't see anything.
• I feel like I met my sister in a dream. A sister who, like me, had become a high school student. She was clearly formed, down to the smallest details. Even the sensation of her leg where I rested my cheek was reproduced. I wondered if her legs were a little thicker than mine, and felt my cheeks soften.
We talked about various things, but in the end, I hardly remember any of it. Dreams are like that, I suppose.
Her voice had also become a little more adult. But sometimes, it would crack and still reveal that of a child.
More than anything, the voice she used when calling me Nee-sama hadn't changed.
As I recall this, my eating hand stops. Mother was watching me silently. I start eating again, flustered. It's so sweet it seeps into my teeth. Rich, penetrating, something that reached from my throat to the back of my eyes.
Is it because of that excessive sweetness?
"Delicious?"
As I chew, tears stream down my cheeks.
Mother asked me gently, with feeling.
"It's delicious," I answer honestly.
I felt as if that voice was overlapping with another.

Nee-sama, Kaasama, Hii-jii-chan, and me. Lined up together, we cross the pedestrian crossing.
The woman in the kimono said she was satisfied after kicking Hii-jii-chan and went home.
"I have no intention of getting between family. Be happy."
She opens the traditional umbrella she was carrying and disappears into the distance as if flowing away.
"She's a strange one, that one-ssu."
"Yeah, totally."
We walk in a direction completely different from home. A collapsed coffee shop, a materials storage area, a dilapidated, breezy parking lot. A small water tank where carp swim, a collapsed sushi restaurant. We all pass by many things. New things and old things, coexisting between the road and us, were accepted.
The world is tolerant enough to gently leave even contradictions as they are.
Hii-jii-chan is gazing at the back of Nee-sama's head with deep emotion. Noticing this, I pinch Nee-sama's neck. I get whacked. Then she turns around and reacts to Hii-jii-chan's gaze.
"What is it? Um... Great-grandfather."
She seemed to find it a little hard to say because she wasn't used to it. Also, considering Nee-sama's personality, she might be bothered about hitting me earlier. I, of course, don't mind. That, and many other things.
"As I thought, you resemble your grandmother more."
"...Is that so?"
Nee-sama brushes aside the hair falling over her ear. It seems that was the reason Hii-jii-chan was paying attention to Nee-sama. Hmmph.
"What about me, eh?"
"To your great-aunt."
"Hm?"
"Ai?"
"Idiot."
Yes, yeees! I raise my hand and ask a question. Hii-jii-chan slowly looks me up and down.
"You resemble my great-aunt when she was little."
Oho. I've never met her. Gimme all the New Year's money I've missed out on.
Nee-sama turned back again and looked up at Hii-jii-chan.
"I think I also resemble you a little."
When Nee-sama says this, Hii-jii-chan touches his cheek with his fingers and nods deeply.
"That's right. Yes, surely."
Do they resemble each other, I wonder? ...Maybe their eyes and mouths are similar. The way they curve, looking rather unfortunate... After glancing at Hii-jii-chan's reddened chin, Nee-sama faces forward again.
"You should have just approached us more normally."
"Normal, huh... Knowing what 'normal' is, that's a wonderful thing, isn't it?"
Hii-jii-chan's reply was like a monologue, and I couldn't grasp the point.
Then, while we were walking, Nee-sama glances at me sideways.
"You, didn't you have anything other than a recorder—"
"I didn't have anything else!"
It's not like a Japanese sword or a knife is going to be inside if you break an oil drum.
Nee-sama lets out a big sigh.
While scolding me, Nee-sama patted my head. It was rough and vigorous, "Abababa," and after that, whether Nee-sama quietly said "Thanks" or not, I couldn't hear clearly.
*Tetto-koteh,* we kept walking and arrived at an apartment building. It's large, but perhaps because a long time has passed since it was built, the old-fashioned look of its walls is undeniable. It seems to have been repainted, but compared to other buildings, it lacked a fresh impression. It's somehow dim. The time surrounding it felt old and rusted. When we reached the entrance of that apartment building, Kaasama says to me and Nee-sama.
"Grandma is a little forgetful, but don't worry about it too much and try to get along with her, okay?"
"Is she senile?"
"Too direct-ssu. Hmm, let's see... a happiness sickness, maybe?"
"...Happiness sicknewss?"
"Mhm," Kaasama laughs.
"Humans always look for ways to be happy in any situation, and they don't give up-ssu. They're born with that kind of thing. It's like an incurable disease, and it might also be what it means to live itself."
"I don't really get it!"
"Ussu."
[ ...... to ]
"...Mhm fufufu. I like honest children-ssu."
Kaasama praised me. Kaasama praises me quite easily. The rare one is, as expected, Nee-sama. Nee-sama has never praised me even once. I try asking that Nee-sama.
"Nee-sama, do you get it?"
At first, Nee-sama tried to act like she did. But now, perhaps seeing me being praised by Kaasama, she seems troubled. What Nee-sama is thinking, I can understand it as clearly as if holding it in my hand with just a little look.
"I'm not telling you."
"I don't like dishonest children-ssu."
When I said it like Kaasama, I got hit on the back about three times. "Hey, hey, that's not good-ssu," Kaasama hurriedly stopped her. Wincing from the pain with one eye closed, I look up, and Hii-jii-chan's expression had also softened a little.
Inside the apartment building, Kaasama enters the entrance hall and stands there like a Nio guardian statue.
"Someone's coming to pick us up, so we'll wait here-ssu."
Lining up next to Kaasama, we imitate her in turn. Hii-jii-chan stood a step behind us, contacting someone. I noticed he's taller than Tousama.
"Will Kaa-san (Ayu) be able to meet her sister again someday-ssu, I wonder?"
Kaasama turns to Hii-jii-chan. Hii-jii-chan puts away his phone, his eyes darting around.
"If I were to offer empty comfort, I'd say I don't know."
"That's not empty comfort, that's a lie, isn't it?"
Being told that rather sharply by Kaasama, Hii-jii-chan raised his right cheek in a self-deprecating way.
"No matter how many years pass, I don't improve..."
After a self-deprecating gesture, Hii-jii-chan faced forward as if to shake off the lie.
"...What's broken once can't be fixed, no matter what you do. We live on by piling up the wreckage."
Me too, she too, so many people.
The doors opened.
Hii-jii-chan, having finished speaking, stares at the elevator.
"Welcome."
She greets them. My... family. Well, not really family, but, yeah. So many troublesome relationships.
Getting out of the elevator, there was a line of people, from small to large. Among them, the former high school girl sees me and her cheeks soften into a smile.