---

---

How many times did I tell myself, "I'm still spinning"?

After that round of spinning was more or less over, we made our way through the playground equipment: the seesaw (I valiantly attempted a seesaw motion while being the only one on it; my butt was at its limit), the slide (naturally, I ran up from the bottom), some kind of ride-on-and-push thing (the type where, long ago, a kid got caught underneath and it became an incident, but it hasn't been removed), and the climbing pole (long ago, someone fell and got hurt, causing a fuss at the local kindergarten).
To be honest, I was the only one actually playing around; Maa-chan was just watching me from an unusually close position. Maa-chan sways precariously from side to side even just walking, so truth be told, if she were to force herself to participate, I'd be worried sick. So, there was also that feeling of... ° ev

"Next is that."
I was playing chimpanzee, traversing the monkey bars horizontally and panting for breath, when Maa-chan pulled me over to the swings. Her next order, it seemed, was for me to push the swing, as she sat down on the wooden seat first. I stood on the seat with her, my feet planted, and pushed, making it go *creak, creak*.
The swing’s face cried out forlornly. Or perhaps, wearily. All the rarely used playground equipment in this park seemed to exude a sense of melancholy, but the swing felt like the epitome of it.
"Mii-kun, push."
"Alright."
"More."
At Maa-chan's request from her seated position, I pushed the swing with the soles of my feet. Gripping the chains that creaked under our combined weight, I increased the arc of the swing, *fwon, fwon*, as if kicking up against gravity.
"Alright, here we go—"
The coldness of her cheek never quite settled into my palm. Like the fingers of a chilled person intertwining, they stole the warmth from my hand. *Kii, kii,* the joints of the chains grew louder, and a sense of unease flickered through me as the swing went higher. The swing was already swaying like a certain pirate ship attraction.
"Lots more."
"It's dangerous."
"'S okay."
She urged me on further, tugging at my forehead. If Maa-chan weren't on it, I could accelerate as much as I wanted, but since she showed no signs of getting off, I hesitated. This time, she pulled at my leg. "Can't be helped," I thought, and kicked the board to push the swing even harder. Why on earth am I experiencing this mysterious danger in a place like this? I questioned my course of action, but that thought was quickly masked by a nausea similar to motion sickness, and I leaned my body further and further, like a pendulum.
When I swung high enough for my body to be almost horizontal, I could look up and see the sky clearly. It was overcast, but one part was bright. Perhaps that was the angle of the sun.
I thought of what lay beyond the clouds. The swing swayed dramatically, and it felt as if, someday, it might even reach that yonder. But that was impossible; no matter how much I tried to head for the sky, as long as I was on a swing, I couldn't fly. Maybe our lives, too, are just like being on a swing, swaying back and forth. In our repetitive daily lives, no matter how much we increase the arc of our sway, we can never fundamentally change anything. Desperate struggles can't overcome Earth's gravity. We are bound by chains.
I should be grateful that, within these chains, within the range I can move, I was able to meet Maa-chan.
"More."
That was the jolt. I put force into my arms to suppress the swing's "face" and the movement of the board. The pendulum motion gradually subsided, and the drastic changes in my field of vision were lost. The unnatural movement of my internal organs also ceased, and the nausea that had been caught in my throat receded.
"Okay, swing time is over."
"Fun?"
"Yeah."
As I made the declaration, Maa-chan looked up at me, seemingly displeased. Like a child whose toy had just been taken away.
"Or rather, I'm tired, so let me rest a bit."
Spinning that sphere earlier had really taken its toll. I collapsed with a thud, ending up in a squatting position on the swing.
From the impact, perhaps, it now swayed gently from side to side. Whether she liked that or not, Maa-chan swayed her upper body, encouraging the swing's motion. The way she expressionlessly made the chains rattle, *gacha-gacha*, as she swayed the swing, was like some kind of battery-operated toy that performed such movements. Of course, such exquisitely crafted features are impossible for a toy. Maa-chan's beauty is almost inhuman... Huh?
In that case, is she close to a toy? I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to retract my "impossible."
Maa-chan's face, as hard as the kitchen knife I bought earlier, just bobbed up and down.
............Is Maa-chan satisfied with this, I wonder? With no bursting smiles, no joyful squeals, just dragging a somewhat chilly atmosphere as she circles the park… I can’t believe this is the scenery she desired, or the one that continues to exist in her ongoing dream.
What I'm seeing and what Maa-chan is seeing.
It's doubtful if we're even looking at the same park.
If I could wish for anything, it would be that I'm the one who's crazy. That the park is more lively and warm, that Maa-chan isn't expressionless as if she's forgotten how to be playful, that a flower or two are blooming in the flowerbeds. That the reality I perceive is the decadent, suffocating, apocalyptic landscape.
Yes, all I could do was pray for that.
"Next, that."
After a short interval, what Maa-chan pointed to was the sphere we had spun sideways earlier.
You liked that thing, huh?

(A flurry of "Ha Ha Ha"s and "Tsu Tsu Tsu"s filled the page, a chaotic representation of their afternoon.)

And so.
We, on the verge of our coming-of-age ceremony, ended up spending almost the entire afternoon engrossed in playing at the park. There's a sense that we're thoroughly enjoying life, but is this really okay? I should be walking a path that, while not necessarily correct, is one I can be confident isn't wrong.
"In the Wind."
The "Fateful Day" sank beyond the clouds, and the "Fateful Night" would arrive.
At that time, I couldn't realize it. Because I hardly ever looked up at the sky.

(The "Ha Ha Ha"s and "Tsu Tsu Tsu"s continued, visually underscoring the passage of time and Mii-kun's internal state.)

**Chapter Nine: I -xx-**

Dealing with a headache from the reality of hearing an old friend's sleep-talking since midday, I look out the window.
Outside, it's unfortunately raining, making my already gloomy mood even more depressing.
Hearing about "his" injuries from my old friend also struck another blow, leaving me disheartened.
I have the spirit to want to solve cases, even those that occur in places I don't know. But in reality, I can't even handle the ones I do know.
My old friend who lost her job of her own accord, and I, who have a job but am not fulfilling it properly. Is admitting there's no difference between us giving up?
......No, I should acknowledge it, and then, start anew.
If I only do what I can, it's no different from what others can do. I have to do what only I can do.
Like "him."
As if to just keep deceiving, single-mindedly.
That's why I stop just gazing out the window, and without even an umbrella, I dash outside.

---

"See, I knew you'd come."
I felt like the thing beyond the window was mocking me, and naturally, my brow furrowed.
"I wish you wouldn't think I'm such a simple guy."
"I think you belong quite firmly in the simple category. So, who am I?" it urged me. "Decide quickly."
"Now, wait a minute," I said, holding out a hand to stop it, though it couldn't possibly see me. The speaker's distorted sound was the same as in the morning, truly unpleasant.
The continuation of the dream I was having at dawn, now it's... I wonder what time it is? My consciousness has been hazy since around evening when I was at the park. I was sitting on the swing, and I guess I fell asleep after that. Probably.
Walls, desks, and a floor like a classroom. Only the ceiling, born from shoddy construction at a hospital, formed the dream stage to which I was invited once more. The temperature seemed colder than last time; I had goosebumps on my arms.
"You are, uhm, let's see, aren't you Kaneko?"
"That is for you to decide, my dear fellow."
It was a strangely affected tone. Hmm, did I know anyone like this? I've never been called "my dear fellow" by anyone; what could have influenced this? I can't think of anything, but for now, I have to decide who this is. That's the rule. Talking with an unidentified person like this seems amusing, but it's also true that it feels unsettling. After all, they know everything about me, while their identity is unclear—for a dream, it's full of inconveniences and just feels creepy. I don't want that.
So, I'll figure it out.
As I stared intently at the shadow, something began to emerge, like a hidden picture surfacing in a painting. Image construction, observation. The moment I observed it, it became fact within the dream.
"Nagase, Tooru?"
Recognizing something bitter in that small figure, I reflexively lowered my gaze.
"Oh, is that so-ssu? Is that how I look to you-ssu, Mii-kun?"
Her tone and voice changed completely. The "Mii-kun" in the latter half sounded somewhat sarcastic, but other than that, she was Nagase herself. The figure and hairstyle also transformed into Nagase's. It was like watching a plant's growth in fast-forward. Or like thorns empowered by a witch, stretching out. In any case, it was mystical.
"So, my conversation partner this time is Nagase, huh. I guess I'm quite sinful, or how should I put it..."
"Oh my, you don't look too happy about it-ssu."
"What about you, don't you dislike talking to me?"
"Well, I wonder-ssu. You can decide, Mii-kun-ssu."
Or rather, since this isn't the real Nagase, I guess I'm the only one who can decide. I don't like that, not at all.
Having a choice, at times, forces a decision. To be blunt, it's a pain in the ass.
I leaned back against the chair and let my arms hang limply. What an inconvenient world, where I even have to set people's feelings. The folks on the other side of the window probably don't have brains, huh.
"How's the afterlife? Are there any dead celebrities there yet?"
I abandoned the decision and brought up a completely unrelated topic. Nagase chuckled. Through the speaker, it sounded like mere noise.
"Wouldn't it be boring if you knew that-ssu? What happens after death is one of life's wonderful mysteries-ssu."
"I have a mountain of other things I want answers to, things I want to solve. I don't need any more riddles."
"Nyaah, suffer more!" Nagase frolicked.
I went "hmmmph," making a sound like grinding my teeth. Like a failed attempt at teeth grinding.
"So you really do hate me, huh."
"If you take it that way, then that's how it becomes-ssu."
This Nagase seems smarter than the one I know. Her responses give me that rude impression.
"I don't mind if you hate me, but I won't say 'my bad.'"
"I don't really mind-ssu. Besides, I don't think I'd hate someone who'd say that-ssu."
"True," I said, shrugging. I kicked off my shoes, scattering them, and pressed my hands to my forehead. The base of my hands plunged my vision into darkness. "Aaargh," a slovenly sound escaped me, as if imitating Kaneko, and my molars felt loose. I clenched them. A bitter fluid welled up. It felt like my gums were rotting.
"So, what do you want to talk about with me-ssu?"
"......Is King Kai's training really tough?"
"As if I could get there in such a short time! It hasn't even been half a year since I died-ssu."
Right. But if Nagase finishes her training before I die, I'd probably get beaten to a pulp.
"If the afterlife really exists, fewer people would probably be afraid of dying."
"People who are desperate in reality might lose hope and commit suicide-ssu, you know."
"That would be a problem. It's better if there's no afterlife," I said, something I didn't mean at all. It'd be far more reassuring if there was one, wouldn't it?
"But if there's no world after death, what happens when you die-ssu?"
"Hm! ......Nagase, you would know that, right?"
"The real Nagase does. The 'me' here knows nothing of it-ssu."
"I see... that's too bad. Things never go my way, Nagase."
"......Mii-kun, do you want to meet dead people-ssu?"
"People I want to meet... No, I've probably earned a lot of grudges, so I'd rather refrain from any meetings if possible."
I started to count on my fingers, then stopped. After that, we both remained silent for a while, surrendering to the languid time. Or perhaps time doesn't exist in dreams in the first place. I kicked the floor and fell backward, chair and all. Various laws of physics seem to be imported from reality, as I tumbled head over heels. And what's more, it hurt.
However, rather than my back, which should have hit the ground, my lower back and the back of my neck ached for some reason. It wasn't a sudden pain, but a slowly seeping one. The sound of my fall immediately slipped past me and vanished as if evaporating. If I stayed still like that, even the fact that I had fallen became vague.
But contrary to that, there was something throbbing, *thump, thump, thump*, at the bottom of my ears. That's what was anchoring me. I tried to follow that pulse with my eyes—though, of course, that's actually impossible—and darted my eyeballs around, glaring left and right. As I did so, my mind started working again, the ceiling became a solid thing, and the speaker tore through the sound. Not precisely, but it generally conveyed words.
I'd finally reached the point where I could offer a wry smile at the speaker's attitude towards its duties.
"Hey, tell me just one thing. Is there gravity in the afterlife?"
As I voiced the question that came to mind, Nagase's shadow tilted its head, "Hmm?" As it did, it looked like it would crumble and disappear into the floor. The uncertain outline of the shadow rustled restlessly.
"It'd be great if there's no gravity. Then I could fly, right?"
"Huh... But would that count as flying-ssu? You'd just be floating around on your own-ssu, that's all."
"Better than jumping off something, right?"
"You're missing the point-ssu."
As I thought, this Nagase is smarter than the standard Nagase. Her retorts are sharp, which makes it a little amusing.
"If I could fly, you know? I bet... things would get a lot more interesting."
"Oh? Isn't every day fun and amusing for you-ssu?"
"Since Maa-chan's around, it's enjoyable enough. But I wonder if it wouldn't change more dramatically."
"Just 'enough' isn't satisfying for you-ssu? You're a spoiled brat-ssu! Extravagance is the enemy-ssu!"
What era are you from? Being called to practice moderation, I actually let out a deliberately loud laugh. My laughter, chopped up by the speaker, was horribly grating to the ear, and ah, I see, maybe girls would like me more if I didn't laugh normally, I realized, such a trivial thing. Just kidding, though.
"Well, even if I could fly... I still couldn't get out of the basement, huh."
I see, this size... It might be a bit similar to "that" basement. It was dark, so it's a little vague, but in a way, it's the place where I began. If you add the space beyond the window, it should be about the same size.
"I get it now. It's ingrained in me, huh."
"........"
When I was a child, that space felt much, much larger. And yet, there was no escape. Being crushed by something like a mass of malice that chased me endlessly... ah, somehow, just remembering it gives me a headache. I feel nauseous too, but can you even vomit in a dream? Do the microorganisms in my body dream?
"Why?"
Am I really dreaming my own dream right now?
Actually, there's probably no need to describe this... Oh well.
An enclosed world. Even if I flew, I'd hit the ceiling in an instant, and that would be the end.
So, what I really need to be happy isn't the power to fly.
Maybe it's the power to smash through dark, hard, rugged walls.
Either way, that's like a Z Fighter, isn't it? "Don't be ridiculous," I fumed, clenching my fists.
"My, my, you seem to be racking your brain quite a bit-ssu."
Nagase spoke to me. No, it was closer to the initial, affected tone than Nagase's.
"But all those various questions you're holding onto, won't you understand them soon enough-ssu?"
Still lying down, I raised my head. I looked at the window. Nagase's shadow was shrinking as if melting. Like a candle, only the hair part twitched, while the rest rapidly shriveled. Looking around, the partition walls were also cracking, clearly signaling the end of this space. The dream was ending again.
Facing that end, the disintegrating Nagase sneered at me. It was a truly, truly unpleasant way of laughing.
Exactly like "Yatsu's" laugh.
The small shadow, its mouth oddly emphasized, beckoned to me one last time.
"Because Mii-kun, you'll be coming over here soon too-ssu," it said.

---

"......Unfortunately, it's not time for that yet."
I retorted, the first words out of my mouth upon waking. Then I pushed up my lowered eyelids.
"Even if you really wished for that, you know."
My lower back and back, which had been bent forward, ached with a dull, persistent pain. It seemed I had indeed fallen asleep sitting on the swing. For me, that was a rather skillful way to sleep. "Ugh." The back of my neck hurt too.
That's right, what about Maa-chan? I looked at the swing next to me. She was sleeping, *creak, creak*. To be precise, she was making the old chains of the swing creak softly, swaying faintly left and right with her eyes closed. At first glance, she seemed so devoid of breath that she looked like a corpse. Annoyingly, no matter how long I looked, that convincing appearance didn't fade.
I got off the swing and tried to check if Maa-chan was okay. I was sure she was fine, but it was necessary for my peace of mind. I placed my hand in front of her mouth and nose. A truly faint breath tickled my palm, and with a sigh of relief, I let my tense shoulders drop. I returned to my swing and made it creak.
A pale purple spread across the sky. An oval of purple mixed with the sunset flowing like a haze. Beyond the thick, cloud-like purple, orange burned, and watching it made me restless. As if I could be swallowed by either.
The wind had turned cold. A chill that seemed to peel the old paint off the swings assailed me, and I, too, reflexively gripped my head tightly. Night was about to fall. "Is this how the day ends?" I bent forward, exasperated. Even for me, shouldn't I have acted with a bit more tension, a sense of mission?
"......Is this really okay?"
It seemed I should reconsider what I ought to be doing. But before that, I pulled a jacket out of my bag and draped it over Maa-chan's shoulders. Maa-chan showed no signs of waking. She'd been expressionless the whole time, but perhaps she was tired from running around the playground equipment. True, I, who was in charge of the manual labor, was tired too. I felt like I'd moved my body enough for a whole year. For all that, this fun would probably disappear in just one day. It might be inefficient, but I also think that's just what happiness is like.
There are even people who keep living for just a few seconds of happiness. Yes, like me, for example.
I swayed the swing. Gripping the seemingly fragile chains tightly, I swung my body. Gradually, I defied gravity, tracing an arc. *Kwon, kwon,* the sound of the wind's flow distorting rushed past my cheeks. Each time I momentarily paused at the apex of the pendulum motion, the chains creaked so much I worried they might break. When I stood up while pumping and swung in earnest, it was even more so. Is this kind of playground equipment even designed for adults to use?
But at the same time, if the chains broke when I reached the highest point, couldn't I fly off into the sky? Even such reckless expectations swung like a pendulum every time I paused.
The only sound echoing in the park was that of the swing I was on, and people rarely passed by on the nearby path. Was the dwindling presence of people due to the serial murder case? In a town where such murders were happening, was it really the time for us to be on swings? What action could be called correct?
I have to find the answer myself. If I were guided, I'd surely end up at a correct answer born from someone else. Of course, I'm not saying that's wrong. In fact, for the most part, that's probably more correct. If I'm to take action in reality, where there are connections with others, rather than in a dream world of mere self-satisfaction, then a choice that benefits others more than myself would likely have more value.
But I still like myself more than others. There's a part of me that wants to live as I please, and that's why, right now, "I'm pumpin' this swing!" I put all my strength into the soles of my feet and swung my body.
*Gitchon, gitchon,* the chains' screams intensified, like the chirping of a huge insect. I continued to trace the same trajectory, the arc of the swing growing larger. I pumped with enough momentum to recall the moments just before an airplane takeoff I experienced on a trip to Kyushu or somewhere, and the world spun around like a pirate ship attraction.
And then, the moment a light flashed in my mind—*this is it!*—I stretched out my arms and legs with all my might. I flew.
I kicked off the swing, let go of the chains, and took off towards the purple sky. Leaving behind my luggage, Maa-chan, my purpose, the town, "Yatsu," everything—I would roam the sky endlessly with the encroaching night. My body, wishing and praying for this, danced through the air in an acrobatic pose, drew a parabola, and fell.
Because I'd half-rotated in mid-air, I crashed to the ground around my left shoulder blade. "Guh, geck, geck!" My body scraped along the ground in three stages, sliding. There must have been a protruding rock somewhere, as a sharp pain shot through my right leg. Twisting my body, my momentum didn't stop, and I tumbled vigorously, *goroporo*, finally coming to a halt when I hit the support pole of the horizontal bar. Sand kicked up into my mouth, and I hurriedly spat it out.
Jumping without hesitation... that was a bust, huh.
It took several tens of seconds for the pain to subside even a little, long enough for me to think, "What an idiot I am."
During that time, the purple swallowed the orange, and a dim night began to fall.
I exhaled. Exhaled again and again. And I remembered the moment I was flying. There was nothing. My body remembered none of the sensations of leaping through the air. Only pain, as a symbol of my foolishness, continued to build, and I began to have trouble breathing. My body felt like it was about to cry on its own, and ashamed of being seen like that, I pulled the hood of my parka down low. Gripping its edge, I waited quietly for the torrent to escape outwards.
My skin burned as if I had several scrapes under my clothes. Scrapes. When was the last time I got these all over my body? If "Yatsu" showed up here right now, what would happen? Would he stab me without hesitation? Or would he be exasperated, lend me a shoulder, and help me up? No, no matter how much fate struggles, "Yatsu" and I could never become friends. More like, "I'll freaking kill him." That's the kind of spirit common among young people, you know.
......Eventually, my body recovered somewhat. The pain and heat entered a tolerable range. Once that happened, I immediately got up, brushed the dirt off my clothes, endured the pain with fighting spirit, and sniffled. I looked up and glanced back at the swing, still swaying irregularly. Next to it, Maa-chan slept peacefully, and from behind her, the shadows of night were lengthening.
"Guess I'll wake Maa-chan up and go buy some dinner—"
That was surely what I should be doing right now. As long as I am me.
I knew what I had to do, but the contents of my wallet were in a terrible state. "Man, I'm broke," I grumbled, peering into my wallet, and decided on our destination: convenience store food again. Better than sweet potatoes, I guess.
"Nghh......"
Was Maa-chan still sleepy? She rubbed her eyes and fretted. Her legs hardly moved, so I, holding her hand, was basically dragging her. A shuffling sound, like dragging a corpse, came from behind me.
Office workers and university students, returning by train from the city, flowed out from the station, and the road and sidewalk running through the center of town were bustling. "As if I'd lose to this flow of people," I thought, and walked with my chin up, as if glaring. The lights of a fruit shop on the side of the road illuminated us. An old guy cutting his nails in the back of the shop shot us a sharp glance, so I naturally glared back. He quickly averted his gaze. What's his problem?
"Adults are, seriously, so incomprehensible."
Though, at my age, even straightforward adults can be irritating in their own way.
People coming and going, people passing by. Those with straight backs, those who are stooped. Cheerful types, lonely types. There were all sorts of faces, but very few paid attention to those passing by them. Pretty girls—and this might be blowing my own horn, but some guys who passed by a sleepy-eyed Maa-chan would even turn around in surprise at her appearance. How did we, looking disheveled, appear in their eyes? Runaway kids?
"Where's the convenience store?" I muttered to myself, hunching over slightly. I'm not familiar with the area around the station. It's not like I use the train every day, and more than anything, they're always doing construction. They're digging up and remodeling the ground like idiots. The construction continues late into the night, and the sound and vibrations of drills working the ground carry over.