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"Of course, it's true. ......Do I look like some weird old guy to you?"
He asked, as if testing me, so I answered from behind Nee-sama.
"That's exactly what you look like to me."
"Well done," the old man said, reaching over Nee-sama to pat my head. His hand was large, like a thick cloud.
Though large, it felt somewhat thin.
"A correct assessment."
"Uhehe, eh heh heh."
Being praised feels super good. Especially when it's from some random old guy or lady.
It's only natural for family to praise you, after all.
"We're leaving now, you know."
Nee-sama grabbed my arm and started walking. It was a similar situation to yesterday, but she didn't tell me to shut up. As we quickly moved away from the old man, I was told, "Blub blub," "Quiet," "Aye, aye."
The sound of footsteps, short-spaced as if out of breath, sometimes synchronized, sometimes stumbled.
When I turned around midway, our eyes met, and the old man gave a gentle wave. I waved back big. The old man tried to respond by waving even bigger, but he seemed to have strained his outstretched side and clutched it,
writhing in pain.
"Keh-kyah kyah."
He was a really funny old man. I felt a sense of familiarity with him.
But it seemed I was the only one who felt that way; Nee-sama looked displeased.
"That guy from before, ignore him if you see him next time."
"Whyyy? He seems nice, y'know."
"That wasn't a magic trick, that was a pickpocket."
Nee-sama said with a stern look.
"A pickpocket?"
Nuzzle, nuzzle, I pressed my head against Nee-sama. "Not like that," Nee-sama pushed me back with her shoulder.
Then she let go of my hand and lowered her shoulders as if relieved.
"You, it's not about whether you trust people or not... It's a problem that comes before that."
"Huh..."
I tried to think about it for a bit. I didn't understand at all.
"Nee-sama's stories are too haaard to understand..."
"Yes, that's right. You wouldn't understand, would you? That's why anything I say is useless."
Nee-sama frowned, looking annoyed. Nee-sama seemed to really hate how stupid I was.
But maybe she liked other parts of me.
If so, she was similar to me.
Matching, matching.
"I cause you so much trouble, don't Iii."
"Don't say things you don't mean."
Pok, she lightly tapped my head.
"Anyway, ignore him if you see him next time."
"Aye, aye."
Nee-sama turned, and her hands cupped my cheeks, squeezing them tight.
"Ow-ffyuu."
"This is so you remember the pain and stop. Alright, you've learned your lesson now, haven't you."
"Aye, aye."
"............That's not enough, is it."
She kept squeezing until my reply was firm. Kyuiii.
Nee-sama didn't trust the world. There was a winter in her atmosphere, regardless of the season. But I felt like there was some kind of connection with that old man.
My premonitions are more often right than Nee-sama's teachings.

Asked what I was doing, I recall a bit of the past.
"You can tell by looking."
The amber eyes followed left and right, as if chasing the sound of the bat cutting through the air.
"Aim for cleanup hitter!"
"Close."
"Cleanup, third base."
"Correct."
"Hoeeh."
I tightened my armpits and swung compactly. Maybe because I skipped warm-ups, there was an odd feeling in my shoulder.

"By the way, what's third base, ssu ka?"
"The place where the ball flies a lot."
The crouching girl silently watched me swinging away.
But after about thirty seconds, she seemed to get bored and called out to me.
"Anessan, are you free, ssu ka?"
"You can tell by looking."
"Is that trending, ssu ka ii?"
"Inside me, it's a mini-revival."
Picturing Nee-sama's face, I swung with all my might.
No impact, it passed right through Nee-sama.
"Sounds like a good memory, ssu ne."
After striking Nee-sama out about three times, the idler saw right through me.
"How can you tell, dis?"
"You can tell by looking, ssu yo."
She threw my words back at me. I wonder, I thought, and pinched my cheek.
"Well, that's a problem."
"Why, ssu?"
"I don't want to be a simple person."
I'm working hard every day to break away from being an utterly ordinary existence, but it doesn't seem to have any effect.
"It's okay, Anessan. You're complex, ssu kara."
"Hmm, I want a little more push."
"Complex and bizarre."
"Good."
When I gave a thumbs-up, she somehow started coughing, "Nu ha ha, still simple after all... geffu goho."
Well, the person I've been talking to just now is like a junior to me. You could say she's in the position of a junior in life. Since there's nothing else particularly noteworthy about her, I called her "High School Girl." She, in turn, basically calls me "Anessan." We both probably have more appropriate ways to address each other, but once you get used to it, it doesn't bother you anymore.
Names and titles are sufficient as long as we can recognize each other.
Recognition is what matters most.
"Just as I thought, ssu nee."
That was necessary.
As a result of observation, she seemed to have reached that conclusion. Fshishishi, the High School Girl giggled, her shoulders shaking as she cupped her cheeks with her fingers. She had a reputation for the fluffy具合 of her hair and head, and her conversation also had a certain bounce.
"I was bored, but now I'm not. Alright, let's go!"
Finishing my practice swings in the yard, I headed out with the High School Girl.
"Let's wander around town for no particular reason. It feels like a day for not going out."
Saying it out loud, I was impressed by what a luxurious use of time it was. There's nothing in the world as precious as time.
And here I was, planning to waste it to the fullest – quite bold of me, if I do say so myself.
I needed that kind of excuse to postpone, just a little, the things I had to think about and decide.
"Not going out? I don't really get it, ssu kedo, it's a weekday. School, school."
She poked at her uniform.
"Take the day off today."
"Ehh, well, it's fine, ssu kedo."
She looked slightly pleased. Oh no, a sign of delinquency.
"No, actually, go."
"So fickle, ssu nee."
She seemed to have lost the will to go and just laughed it off. Her expressions change so much, it's never boring to watch.
Nee-sama, on the other hand, always looks like she's not having fun. But, I never get tired of looking at her either.
"How about we go get some Viet Cong ramen for lunch? There's a famous place, right?"
I suggested, feeling excited.
"It's Wednesday today, so it's their regular day off, ssu."
"Guah!"
It fell through again. When on earth will I be able to experience that rumored taste?
It might be a trivial thing, but I can't help but think that even such minor things are a matter of fate. Things you're not meant to encounter, you won't, even if you spend your whole life trying, and we never even realize it.

"Have you ever had it?"
"Lots and lots of garlic."
"I wanna crush 'em with my teeth, yeah!"
When I bared my teeth with a "Gah," she playfully shrieked "Kyaa" and ran away. Then she came back like a dog pulled by a leash. It reminded me of the dog at my great-aunt's house.
Giving up on ramen, we walked straight ahead. With no particular destination, we followed the flow of traffic and ended up in the downtown area. The not-so-bustling downtown area had mountains relatively close by, and nature peeked through between the buildings just one street over. Before, a homeless person used to live by the water in the rest area, but at some point, they disappeared and moved near the station.
The time of day plays a part, and so does the era. There aren't many people.
That's precisely why every time I passed someone, every time I saw someone in the distance, I strained my eyes.
"Anessan, why are your eyes glittering like that, ssu ka?"
Is something there? The High School Girl looked around with me. Her eyes shone like marbles.
"I'm looking for a bad guy."
Actually, I had already found them.
"Can you tell by looking, ssu ka?"
"If it's someone I know, yeah."
"Eeh, family, ssu?"
The High School Girl recoiled as if taken aback. Then, she asked timidly.
"What will you do if you see them, ssu ka?"
"Beat 'em to death."
I patted the metal bat I naturally carried with me. The High School Girl shivered.
"Anessan, you weren't the type to joke around, were you, ssu ne?"
"Because I'm not very good at 'em, nya."
Since I'm aware I can't say anything funny, I don't willingly tell jokes.
"Because I, too, have a soul-score to settle, you seeii."
Just imagining that moment makes my wrists and the space between my eyebrows tense up with power.
"Anessan's soul, kaa......"
The High School Girl's eyes darted around.
"It sounds like it'd be an amazing color, ssu."
"Don't praise me too much."
"Or maybe it's transparent and you can't make out its shape, ssu ne."
She probably wasn't well-versed in the situation, nor did she say it intentionally.
But, however. To say my soul is transparent might have hit the mark.
Nee-sama decides how my soul is. So, if Nee-sama says she can't see it, then it must be transparent.
And, the reverse also holds true.
The good or evil of Nee-sama's soul should be spoken of through me.
Is Nee-sama a bad person, I wonder?
Is she so evil that it couldn't be helped if someone suddenly decked her?
Just thinking about it, indignation brought on nausea.
How long has it been since I last lay down on the ground?
I was thinking about such things while looking up at cars passing by at strange angles.
My little sister was always freely rolling around or running about... It was embarrassing to be with her. But, I think the times we weren't together were rarer. In terms of trust, we were number one for each other. My sister was an idiot, and I was smart. Precisely because it was so clear, we could believe in each other.
I vaguely recall such things.
By the way, is it okay for me to be so carefree?
My head is heavy, and one part of it feels frayed and unstable. Being hit hard on the back of the head is an incident, and the danger doesn't end with just one occurrence. I shouldn't be taking it easy.
But, my consciousness seeps out and diffuses, refusing to stay put. It doesn't take shape and solidify.
Someone once said that animals that can't get desperate when facing a crisis are simply culled. Will I disappear?
If I disappear, will I be able to see my sister too?
.........I'm not dying. Finding it strange, I slowly sit up. Just as I turned over from my stomach, a small amount of liquid, as if a puddle on the road had splashed, hit my face. I try to wipe off what seemed to have slashed diagonally across my forehead, but nothing sticks to my fingers. Is my sense of touch correct, or is my vision discerning the truth? I can't grasp how much of this is actually happening.
All I know is that my head hurts terribly.
Yuna-san comes running from a distance, following the edge of the sidewalk. Bending low, she rushes over to me. Setting down her umbrella, Yuna-san surrounds me and helps me up.
"You seem to have no problems at all, do you?"
"Don't just assume, please listen to me..."
Even though it feels like my soul is about to pop out of my head any second.
I hope it's a lie.
"Maybe."
"Well, however, I think it's best not to stand up right away."
"Is something wrong?"
"Eh?"
She peers at my face while supporting my back with both her legs.
Being enveloped in her yukata, perhaps because of the deep purple color, I imagine a mysterious fragrance.
"Your nose is red, but you just hit it when you fell, right?"
I pinch it, lest it get any flatter. It must have been scraped; it hurt like it was raw when I touched it.
Fufufu, Yuna-san laughs towards the sidewalk.
"It's nothing. For now, it seems one crisis has passed."
Is that so? Even when I look, there's only a deserted sidewalk.
All that remains is me, my head spinning from the dull pain.
"What on earth is going on..."
"You take after your father in the weirdest ways, don't you?"
"Your father used to get beaten black and blue often too, you know."
Yuna-san closed her eyes as if reminiscing, her expression softening. It's not something to recall so fondly.
"Heeh..."
End of digression.
"I heard his right arm doesn't move because of all that accumulated damage."
"Well, that's true. He used to do reckless things with a broken arm and such."
"I've kicked him a few dozen times myself, you know."
Ufufu, she said with the cheerfulness of turning a page in her youth. ......Well, if Father is okay with it.
*Not good at all, y'know,* I felt like I heard a phantom voice.
Knowing Father, he probably pushed himself too hard for Mother's sake. Or perhaps, to protect the people around him. Father seemed to believe that cherishing such things was what it meant to live.
Father is stubborn about his priorities, but his values are normal.
That's why he gets deeply hurt or fails.
I didn't want to become like that.
"Your eyes are unfocused, are you okay?"
Pointed out, I realize my condition. Ah, no wonder I couldn't see anything in front of me.
When my eyes focused, Yuna-san once again filled my vision. Looking up at her, she had an intensified girlish air.
Her physique, the thinness of her frame, gave the impression that her growth had stopped somewhere.
"Idiot?"
"My sister."
Even if I kept looking, it wasn't that interesting.
"...Has that idiot run off already?"
I never once saw the culprit who hit me. At least, I didn't.
Then it's decided. My sister tried to kill me.
No, it's not certain if there was murderous intent. But it's true that she hit me with a clear will. Was it her specialty, a hammer? Just like hitting Santa's picture with a hammer, she might have tried whacking my head too, based on some ridiculous whim. She was capable of it.
"You got hit on the head, so you should get it properly checked out," Yuna-san advised as I got up.
Maybe so.
But, I didn't mind dying as I was, so I decided to go home.
My eyes were more wobbly than my knees. Like a confused dog that got lost after a shock, I had lost my bearings. Every time I stepped on the ground, the back of my head throbbed with heat. I might have been bleeding.
How long has it been since I last shed blood?
When was the last time I shed tears?
Walking while trying to remember, no feelings of resentment towards my sister welled up, only exasperation. She hasn't grown at all.
Nothing has changed from the old days.

"I drew it!"
"Not 'I finished it'?"
Ba-baam! She opened her notebook with both hands, showing it off.
"It's Nee-sama!"
"That's not a fish."
"No, here," she pointed.
"So tiny!"
"Nee-sama fishing up a fish is, look, right here!"
The Nee-sama in the notebook is so small I could crush her with my fingernail. Squish. No, more like, slice?
"I can't tell where I am."
"Actually, this fish here is big, huge, you seeii."
"You just got lazy drawing me, didn't you."
"Ooh, as expected of Nee-sama."
She saw right through me.
"Aye, aye."
"I've never gone fishing or anything," Nee-sama said, lying down again.
"Stop playing around and finish your homework quickly."
Nee-sama had already finished hers and looked bored. It seemed she didn't have a book to read today either.
"Nee-sama is so smart."
"More than you, at least."
"Uh-huh, uh-huh."
That's just how Nee-sama is. If that one thing crumbled, it would be a disaster.
I had a premonition of that.
Perhaps out of extreme boredom, Nee-sama started drawing something in her own notebook.
"Ah."
Ho-hou, I pretended not to notice and waited for her to finish.
After a little while, I slooowly got off my chair and tiptoed closer. I tried to peek without making a sound.
Nee-sama noticed me and, as if flustered, pulled back and hid her notebook.
But I had already seen it perfectly.
Perfectly, um... what was that drawing just now? I had to think for a moment.
The lines were wobbly, and it was terrible. If it weren't me, no one would have known it was a fish.
Nee-sama's eyes narrowed, as if angry at being peeked at. And, her ears were slightly red.
"That's a picture with flavor, especially since it's grilled fish."
"It's not grilled."
Nee-sama put the notebook on the shelf and then escaped onto the futon.
"That was a close call. I almost became an idiot like you."
"Welcome!"
"Shoo, shoo."
She gestured for me to go back to my homework. I reunited with the chair that had become lonely after losing its master.
After spinning around energetically twice, I gripped my pencil again.
When Nee-sama is around, I can comfortably maintain a moderate level of idiocy, which is very relaxing.
After a little while, Nee-sama muttered softly.
"The one thing I don't want to become is an idiot."
"That's right, iiisn't it!"
A Nee-sama stupider than me couldn't possibly exist. At least, Nee-sama herself would never admit it.
That loss could lead to us losing each other.
Nee-sama and I only have each other to face. That's why neither of us can afford to lose the other.

"Having likes and dislikes isn't good, y'know."
"Ussu."
"It's the same for people."
"Right, ssu ne?"
"So let's not have likes or dislikes and just punch everyone equally, okay?"
"Anessan, get a grip, ssu!"
The High School Girl clung to me, ice cream in one hand. You'll get it on my clothes, stop it.
Tut tut tut, I wagged my raised index finger.
"That was about half a joke, y'know."
"I can't tell 'em apart..."
"We have likes and dislikes, y'know, 'cause we're human."
"Eh, that way?"
I'd probably hesitate to hit someone I like. Though I'd still hit them.
If I were hitting someone I dislike, the amount of force I'd use would probably be different. Though I'd still end up hitting them.
"Feelings become power, y'see."
"Dark power, ssu ne."
"Anko power" sounds like it'd have a rich taste. Just imagining it made the taste of red bean paste fill my mouth.
"Glance, glance."
"Hyuu~"
The High School Girl whistled faintly.
"That's so obvious, what's with that, dii?"
The High School Girl leaned forward slightly, as if a little embarrassed, and peeked at me.
"Anessan, do you feel that feeling-power towards me too, ssu ka?"
"Hm? Mhm! Totally feeling it."
"Enough to make me wanna strangle you sometimes."
"That's the dark power side,じゃん!"
"Now then, where should we go next?"
We were taking a break at an ice cream shop that looked new and stood out from the gray surroundings in the shopping district. We sat side-by-side at a counter seat facing the outside, enjoying the view of the sparsely trafficked road through the glass. The bare roadside trees, fitting for the season, added a touch of charm to the desolation.
I slumped onto the table. My cheek sticking to it felt cool and pleasant. It was a bit hot inside the shop.
"Anessan is melting, ssu."
"Mmm, well, things have been peaceful lately. It can't be helped if I let my guard down."
"By Anessan's standards, it's peaceful, ssu ka ne."
"Anyone can see it's peaceful. We're casually eating ice cream on a weekday afternoon."
The High School Girl caught a glimpse of tranquility in the half-eaten ice cream in her hand. Probably.
"That's true too, ssu ne."
"It's too peaceful, there are no bad guys. Outrageous."
"Finding villains is tough, ssu."
"Indeed, iiisn't it."
"Gunyuaa."
"Gununu."
I've put in the practice to seriously knock people flying. All that's left is the real thing, but.
After the High School Girl finished her mint ice cream, we left the shop. The moment we stepped outside, the air turned sharply cold. It felt as if the town was trapped inside a tube expelling cold air. In such conditions, wandering around outside with a purpose but no results makes one feel listless. When the traffic light came into view, I reached out my hand.
"I'm getting sleepy, so pull me and take me home."
When I pleaded, the High School Girl gave me one look and then turned forward, pretending she hadn't heard.
I think Nee-sama would have pulled me along while scolding me, saying things like "Aren't you an idiot?" or something.
Right now, it feels like I'm living in a world where Nee-sama has disappeared.
Sometimes, the parallel lines were so stark that I even thought it might really be true. Even though our living areas overlapped and I saw her every day.
Not a single point of contact could be found.
"Anessan?"
"Hm! ......No. I was just thinking that students really do need to go to school."
Deviating from the path isn't about being cool, nor is it a pursuit of possibilities.
It just makes things more precarious.
"Eeeh, what's this all of a sudden..."
"You think so?"
The High School Girl scratched her head as if to say, "Oh dear." Then, she grinned cheerfully.
"Well, isn't it fine? Wandering around with you, Anessan, with nothing happening is fun, ssu yo."
"Anessan says a lot of wild stuff, so it's stimulating, and..."
"Even this is me holding back, y'know."
Especially in front of you. After all, I'm Anessan.
Away from Nee-sama, I can't help but be conscious of my position. The things I have to think about also increase. And so, as I build diverse thoughts and relationships, I become different from who I once was.
Everything surrounding me pushes many important things into the past.
If I let go, my attachments would immediately be summarized in the past tense, as "was." That was an inevitability in life, and also a flow.
The fact that it's not Nee-sama but a totally different High School Girl next to me now is probably proof of that. The things I have to accept are forming a line.
Before the things surging from the past wash away the passion of the present.
"Alright, tomorrow. Let's do it tomorrow."
As if struck by an idea, I made up my mind and declared it.
Ignoring the High School Girl who asked nonchalantly, "Do what, ssu ka?", I shouldered my bat.
If I keep looking at this kid's face, my motivation might wither, so I just look forward and advance.
I started walking again, determined to reach the final destination of my life.

"Not your sister."
"Abah!"
My aunt mercilessly poked the fresh bump. It felt like my brain was being pushed along with it. After returning home, I had my aunt, who seemed to be free, check the affected area while she was taking care of the dogs. Besides the bump, I apparently had some minor injuries – it sounded like a tongue twister. When disinfectant was sprayed on it, my outstretched leg involuntarily kicked up and down. The surrounding dogs danced in time with my leg movements.
Furthermore, she roughly wiped my face with a cloth. She was merciless, even if my bruised nose throbbed with pain.
"You're aiming too high. Completely different from what I taught."
What is she teaching?
"Looking at the wound, it wasn't a downward strike, but sideways. You can't aim properly like this."
"......That might be true."
The height of my sister's gaze in my memory wasn't different from mine. It's unlikely that only my sister's height suddenly shot up. There are no younger sisters who surpass their older sister's height. Probably.
But if that's the case, who hit me? I didn't know there were invisible people other than my sister.
I've lived a quiet life and have no memory of earning anyone's resentment. However, I can't say it's impossible. My birth and family environment were more than enough to attract malice.
One's origins, surprisingly, are rooted deep within a person.
So deep that trying to pull them out causes unbearable, excruciating pain.
"Then, who could have hit me?"
"I don't know. There's a bump, but the wound itself is shallow. It's not bad enough to need stitches, so you're probably fine."
"Is that so?"
I can trust my aunt's judgment. Since her hobby is dissecting animals, she has a deep knowledge of living creatures. If things went wrong, she might even have experience dissecting humans.
"Yay!"
Hooray for laziness.
"It seems your slouched posture, with your head leaning forward, was a stroke of luck."
"You only imitate the trivial parts of your parents."
Kukuku, my aunt laughed, as if amused by the comparison. Her aggressive tone was typical of her.
Indeed, I didn't have an image of my parents walking with their backs straight.
My aunt is also a younger sister, isn't she? My father's younger sister. These siblings, too, are unalike.
"Do you like Father?"
Beshin, I was slapped on the side of the head. "Ooh, ooh," I moaned as the impact resonated with the wound.
"Don't just ask that out of the blue."
"I'm sorry."
"Haaah."
I didn't quite understand why I was made to apologize.
"Anii-chan is just an ant. That's all."
Anii-chan, is that what she calls Father? What a strange way to call him. If I said that out loud, I'd probably get hit again, so I kept quiet. I'm becoming even smarter.
After skillfully wrapping the bandage, my aunt quickly left the room. The dogs, which I thought would follow her, were relaxing on the spot. There were four or five of them, and they got along well without fighting. My aunt's training must be good. My sister and I have never fought either, so perhaps our parents' upbringing was good.
"Heh heh heh."
Only my voice laughed. I decided to pretend it wasn't a lie.
With my hands still on the floor, I looked out the window and spaced out.
If it wasn't my sister who hit me, I start to get angry. But since I have no leads, I can't find anyone to direct my anger at, and it gradually becomes a bother. Could it be the culprit of that serial murder case? It might be the real culprit, making it look like my sister. If my sister isn't involved, I couldn't care less about the case.
Even people close to you are, in the end, others.
So, what's the difference between an outsider and family? Even if it depends on the person, how do I organize it within myself? I don't find any value in things like blood ties. Blood is blood. A flow necessary for life. Then, what is the difference? Is the very act of feeling a difference the wall, the separation itself?
Those with whom I feel a separation, those with whom I don't.
For me, the latter was only my sister.
Where is my sister now?
Like being on an opaque warship, all understanding felt cramped.
As if giving up, I flopped down on the spot— "Uwaah ouch ouch ouch ouch!" Having carelessly lain down, I ended up crushing the bump between the floor and my head. I sprang up, teeth chattering. This hurt more than when I was hit.
My vision blurred, so I wiped it, and tears welled up at the corners of my eyes.
Slowly, carefully, I lay down on my side. Until the pain subsided, I focused only on the sound of my breathing.